“Crazy Man” Says Tesla Car Seats Cause Anal Itching
There are many causes of anal irritation, from bacteria and illness, through to poor fitting underwear and bad hygiene, but person or persons unknown in San Francisco has made some allegations that Tesla vibrating car seats could also be a cause.
Dubbed “crazy man” by the media, he was responsible for a number of flyers placed on the windscreens of Tesla cars detailing a list of complaints against the company, including that they were involved in organised crime. The printed expose also stated that the company were guilty of trying to manipulate Congress and were hiding the inherent dangers of their lithium-ion batteries which, it suggested, could blow up if they got wet.
Whether the crazy man was suffering from anal itching at the time of his ill-conceived but extraordinary rant is not clear, but chances are he wouldn’t have mentioned it if he had access to a soothing natural cream that took the edge off the irritation.
Tesla Motors is an American electric car manufacturer and has produced the first electric sports car called the Roadster. It is also well-known for producing the lithium-ion battery pack that has been the object of Crazy Man’s ire.
Whether a vibrating seat can in fact cause anal irritation is a matter for debate, and no doubt concerted scientific research, but the other claims made by the widely distributed flyer that has caused a mild internet sensation are even more absurd:
• The lithium ion batteries explode if they are subjected to water or even get knocked around.
• Tesla investors were responsible for the Afghan invasion because they wanted to get hold of the lithium for the batteries.
• Gases from an exploding battery cause cancer.
• Agency heads and federal employees have been sacked because of the cover up.
• Tesla has had multiple lawsuits and driving one makes you complicit in their criminal activity.
• Google is a silent partner in the corporation using its technology to track and monitor people.
• The corporation has more drink driving incidents and other accidents associated with it than any other car manufacturer.
The anal itching allegation came amidst a number of spuriously quoted headlines on the flier, but there don’t seem to be any authoritative articles online suggesting that this is a real cause for concern for the electric car users of San Francisco or any other region.
The chances are that ‘crazy man’ is a dissatisfied customer, but one thing is certain, he’s given a good deal of fun to the band of Twitter, Facebook and web users who are looking for something to brighten their day. We can only hope that his anal irritation has been cured by a soothing natural cream.
